{Days like these aren't easy. I can find just about every reason to give up. The only thing keeping me going are these two words: Stay Strong. I must stay strong, because one day things will be better. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But someday. #staystrong #fighter #reminder}

chaptersix

        "Hey baby girl," said Jordan, a senior I became good friends with this school year.
        "Oh, hey! What's up?"
        "Not too much! Hey, um, I have to go, but stay here after school, kay? Okay. I'm going to be late for class! Bye!" She then kissed me on the cheek, and ran out of the music room before I could answer.
        My last class went by pretty slow. My teacher decided to play a movie about a musician. It was more of a love story than anything, but that's okay I need a little break. There's just too much going on in my head right now, and I really don't need anymore stress or pressure in my life.
        Once class ended, students from other classes came in to pick up their instruments. I started to grow nervous as time passed. Every time the door opened I anxiously looked over to see if it was her.
        What could she possibly want me to stay here for? Was it the photo I posted late last night? I didn't really post anything that could be that big of a deal. It's not like I haven't done it before. Does she want to talk to me about it? Or does she just want to tell me something silly to lighten my mood? Oh gosh. Hurry up, Jordan, before I drive myself crazy.
        The door opened again, and I turned my head to check as she walked inside the classroom.
        "Hey! You waited!"
        "But of course," I said as she walked up to me to give me a hug.
        "Hey, so what's going on? Are you okay?"
        I knew it. It was the picture.
        "Oh um, I don't know. I've just been having a tough time lately, but I'll be fine."
        "Follow me," she said as she took my hand and walked across the classroom toward the private practice room area.
        She took me into the first practice room. It had a window pointing towards the hallway we just came from, a couple of chairs, and an old piano. She sat down in one of the chairs, so I followed.
        "Grace, what's going on," she asked again.
        "I just uh, I just have a lot going on. It's nothing really," my voice cracked slightly and my heart started to beat faster.
        "Are you and your boyfriend doing okay?"
        "Oh yea, we're doing good."
        "Is anyone hurting you or doing anything to you?"
        "No. No, not at all."
        "Is everything okay at home?"
        "Yea."
        "Is it school?"
        My heart stopped. I looked at her, and tried to respond. I couldn't speak though. Tears were starting to build up in my eyes.
        "It is. Aw, Grace. What classes?"
        I tried to speak clearly, but my throat was stinging, "Pre-Calculus and Physics. Mostly those."
        "Aww, I know. Those classes are tough, but so are you."
        I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. It was too much to deal with. I couldn't keep fighting. Tears started slipping from my eyes. I no longer had control.
        "Aw, Grace. Come here," she stood up, and pulled me up with her.
        "Come here baby girl, come here," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around me, and held me tight.
        "Let it out. Just let it out. It's okay, just let it out," she breathed just barely loud enough for me to hear. I started to cry harder. My chest shook uncontrollably and I cried into her shoulder as everything started to overwhelm my mind again.
        I hate my life. I live in my own private hell created just for me to suffer in until the day I die. Nobody knows the pain I go through everyday. School stress is just the beginning of it. There's so much more though, and nobody really knows. Not even the girl who is here holding me tight while I'm crying hysterically. She doesn't know. She doesn't know that I have been fighting depression for over a year now, that sometimes the voices of the kids who had bullied me still ring in my ear, that I canceled my appointment with that eating disorder specialist, that my eating disorder is getting worse and worse, that I was the one who put those scars on my body, that I was the one who wished I never even existed in the first place, that I wanted so bad to step in front of that speeding car the other day and end it all. She doesn't know. Nobody does.

        The door cracked open. It was Monica and Rachel.
        "She'll be okay," Jordan ensured while caressing my hair.
        The door closed, and I closed my eyes again.
        Monica and Rachel wrapped there arms around me then too. This made me start crying a little harder again.
        "We love you, Gracie," Monica said so sweetly, like she always did.
        Once my crying subdued, and my breathing slowed they let go. I was to embarrassed to look at them directly with my red eyes and dried tears on my face though.
        "Everything will be okay, okay? I promise they will be. I know it's tough right now, but you will get through it," Jordan reminded me.
        I nodded, and managed to smile a little. The three of them continued to talk to me, and make little jokes to change the mood.
        When Monica and Rachel left, Jordan turned to me again.
        "Grace, I want you to know that you can always talk to me no matter what. Also, I want you to know that stress over school isn't worth it. I know it's harsh, but some people don't make it through college... nor the rest of their lives due to it. Don't let it control you. Don't let it make you want to do that to yourself."
        I nodded, but kept silent. If only she knew how many times I'd wanted my life to end.
        "I'm here for you always, Grace. I know, everyone seems to say that, but I truly am. If you don't believe me, I will make you a promise. I promise you that no matter what I will call you every night to make sure you're doing okay."
        She stuck out her pinky, and wrapped it around mine.
        "I promise you that."